Finding your path

I have been looking for my path for many years. The older you get the the more you know right? Wrong. I just learn more and more how confused I am and how little I know. That sounds like a bad thing but it isn't. It is actually growth. Its realizing that there are things greater than you. Much greater than you. So you learn to let God take control. Let God lead you. I have skills and abilities, but God has a place for them. So I have to quit using them to get somewhere, and start using them to help fullfill my small part of the Will of God.

So now I am letting God lead me. And he is. The part that is important is this, its not where I would have seen myself five years ago, but it is a place that makes me happier than I would have thought possible. I think that is the key thing all Christians (hopefully all people) must learn. God knows what is best for you. If you want a new BMW and a 5000 Square foot house, and he wants you to have an old pair of shoes and a cot, you will be MUCH HAPPIER with the cot. It sounds crazy, and it slightly is, but it is true. He knows what is best.

Does that mean best for you all the time? no. It means best for all, all the time. Sometimes as a Christian we must accept that we are not first priority, but that all people are first priority. He loves us all the same. So would he make me sacrifice so many others can be happy? yes, yes he would. And I love him for that. Its why I have Faith in him.

"Your going to Hell"

At least that is what I was told last night. The bad part is that it was by a "fellow" Christian. She apparently wasn't very happy with me. I had her vehicle picked up with our wrecker and had the audacity to charge her for doing it. So she was mad. The threat of a lawyer didn't seem to scare me, so she moved to a more eternal threat. Yep, apparently I am going to hell.

The really sad part (since I am not really going to hell) is that she said she was a Christian. She first asked me if I went to Church. Yes I do. She then said that she was a Christian and she knew what I was doing was wrong. I told her if she names herself a Christian to prove her honesty, she is missing the point. Christians shouldn't use their faith to show superiority. We aren't superior. After a few minutes she proved my point. She said she knew I was going to Hell. Not because I didn't have faith, but because I was doing something she judged as wrong. I told her if she believed that she really didn't understand Jesus at all.

I have two points here. The first is to remember that if you go around proclaiming your Christianity. You faith in God and Jesus. You better remember you have a duty to be one. You have to forgive, be patient, and especially Love others. Even if they wrong you. Whether or not I was right to charge her, she was supposed to Love me anyway. And she didn't. She decided I was going to hell.

The second point is how important it is NOT TO JUDGE. She judged me on this one decision. She thought it was wrong, so she condemned me. So next time you see someone doing something you think is wrong, from cutting in line to homesexuality to greed to alcholism, know that you have no more right to judge them then they do to judge you for your sins. So forget their sins and Love them. That is the Christians job: TO LOVE.

Seize the Day!

What exactly does that mean? I know it means don't wait for tomorrow because we aren't promised today. So go out and do what you want cause it might be your only chance! Sounds like a good plan. But what do I want? Maybe the question should be, "What should I do?" I really don't know what I should do. I wish it was easy. I wish God would write me a letter and just tell me what to do. I really don't know what it is. I do try and figure it out but.............

One option is build a family. I can definitely see the beauty of building a family. Getting married (which I am doing) and making my life's focus my family. Kids, wife, the whole thing. This is a beautiful option.

Mission work (can you get any more vague?). Should I try and run an orphanage somewhere? What if there is a place God has set for me and I just don't see it. I could be ignoring it. Afraid to do it. It seems to me, if mission work is what God wants from me, there would be little question. But I am full of question.

Maybe I am just meant to be a resource. Someone that can fullfill needs of others doing the mission work. Someone that can use his own skills to build resources that others can take advantage of. The missionaries need support from home. Could that be how I seize the day?

I'm not helpful today. The only thing I am able to do today is to share the fact that I love Jesus, and have no idea what he wants from me. There are so many things that I could do, I seem to do none because all the options are just too much for me. I just want everyone to start trying to do some of the things they think God wants them to do. I haven't done that in awhile. But I believe I am about to start.

Material

It is so hard to figure out where to stop. What size house should you have? What type of car should you drive? Is a motorcycle excessive? Two? How about 2 vacations a year? Where is the line to stop buying things for yourself?

This is something I have been trying to figure out for awhile now. And every year, the more I get, the more I want. Its a horrible cycle. There is so much out there we shouldn't even care about. But we do. I do. And it saddens me.

I'm trying to beat it. I'm trying to not want all the extravigant things. But I fail. Cause I can afford the things I don't need. The things I don't really want, but strive for anyway. Its sad. I know it makes me sad. I can be so much more.

My present goal is to get the house and the yard finished where I can have what I want for the rest of my life. Or at least till the future kids are gone. But I am afraid that I am just making a mark in the future that I can press forward whenever I need to. I reach goal and then I just want a boat. Then I just want some land. Want Want Want Want Want.

But where is the give in that. Where is humanity helped by this? Its not. So much money spent for one man to be happy. There are so many people out there in need of help and I keep spending money on myself. So my new years resolution is to learn that you have to do what is right now. Not later. Now. Start giving now. Start sharing with others now. Its what Jesus wants us to do.

Understanding

Understanding.  It is an interesting thing.  You normally get it when there is no reason for you to.  At least for me anyway.

I have learned that in order to gain true understanding or to grow, you must find ways to take yourself outside your comfort zone.  Is that easy?  Hell no.  I enjoy my comfort zone and the time I spend in it.  But I need to leave it.  I don’t grow in my own comfort zone.  I grow when I am uncomfortable or when I just plain don’t like where I am.  It isn’t easy, but I do it (or at least try to).

My point is, if you stay where you are comfortable, that is all you will get.  Comfort.  And I know that sounds good.  But it’s not.  It’s sad, actually.  It’s a life of knowing only one way. Only one direction.  And if you have looked around, there are thousands of directions.  Thousands of ways to live you life.  Not all good, but all a way of life.  

Now the Christian part.  The Jesus part.  He wants us to grow.  So how do we do that?  I believe we each should step out of what we know, out of our comfort zone, and find out what is out there.  No, you don’t have to do things you believe are wrong, but you do have to step beyond your boundaries.  Because everyone is drunk in the bar, doesn’t mean you have to be.  But to grow, you may need to be in that bar.  You may need to be around those people who choose a way of life different than yours.  And I say different than yours, not less than yours, not below yours, just simply different.  

I Love Jesus.  Saying it, praying it, sounds strange.  I mean, I’ve never seen Jesus.  I have never been beside Jesus in a physical sense.  I’ve never held his hand.  He’s never physically held mine.  But there he is Loving me.  Being next to me.  Loving me.  And I Love him.  And the strange part is that I don’t owe him.  He loves me.  He sacrificed for me.  And he did so to save me.  But not so I owe him.  He did it so that I could live a life for me.  A life he wanted me to have.  A life that is as much for me as it is for others. The truth is he died so that I could live  No, not a life in Heaven (although I will) but a life of heaven on earth.  Heaven on earth.  

Don’t get me wrong.  If we sit down and do the math, we owe Jesus.  MAN DO WE OWE JESUS.  But that isn’t what he wants.  I have a wonderful, amazing,  beautiful woman whom I just asked to marry me.  But however much I support her, however much I am there to support her and take care of her, I NEVER want her to owe me.  I do it out of Love.  Because she is my world.  I don’t want her to think she owes me anything.  I want her to know that all I do, I do out of Love.  Its no trade show.  No tit for tat.

I am beginning to learn, that the best way to understand Jesus is to focus on those relationships that mean the most to each of us.  Those relationships that bring us the most Joy.  The type of happiness that we just don’t understand.  The treat em bad but they still love us type of life.  Cause none of us treat Jesus or God with the Love and respect they deserve, but they still Love us.  I have NO idea why.  But that beauty.  That is God.  I’m baffled, and I’m a smart man. An educated man.  A man who should “know” better than to believe in something I cannot put my hand on.  But that Is why I believe.  Cause I know better.  Cause I know that logically a God, a being that someone can’t put their hands on, can’t make appear, can’t exist.  But he does.  Cause we all know (some don’t admit) that there is someone, something better, bigger, more intelligent, more beautiful, more amazing, more adjective, more adjective, more adjective than we could ever be.  Someone that actually cares more for others, than he/she (who knows) could ever possibly care for him/her self.